Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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