Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize