She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
