you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize