all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
