i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
