Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
i am craving dick and cupcakes
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
