I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
