other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm bleeding and have questions
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
