forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
