You're completely useless in the revolution.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
