based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
My bed smells like the plague
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
