i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
