You made me cry and you don't even care
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
