Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
