I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
