You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
ttyl tear gas
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
