Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize