She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
