Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
