do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize