why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
