I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I have aggressive nipples.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
