I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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