First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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