We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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