the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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