Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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