I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
