I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
