I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
