I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
