she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
