I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
