toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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