What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
