I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
