I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize