the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
