We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
