once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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