I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Randomize
