honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
