i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
