I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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