You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
