I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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