just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
