In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My life is pants optional.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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