I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
