This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
