it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
