nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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