I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
