I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
