..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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