do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
