I accidentally had phone sex last night
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
