Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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