Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
