Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
