wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
