I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
