I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
