I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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