I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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