I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
